It has been 8 days since I co-led worship at the AM services. The morning itself went pretty well – no major train-wrecks/catastrophes…I didn’t go home in tears, so that was really the main thing I was hoping for. The 11:30 felt substantially smoother than the 9:30, I think mainly because my confidence had gone up and of course, there’s always the generally accepted fact that the 11:30 crowd are a little more awake than the earlier one… not always, but last week this was true.
I asked our lovely soundchick/percussionist Michele to email me the MP3s the following week so that I could have a critical listen in the name of improvement. The email came in about 1 minute after I had left the house, so I went and stood outside our kitchen window in hopes of catching our wifi and having a faster download time without having to go home again – this worked a treat, and I listened to the recording as I walked down to the plaza.
In complete honesty, I was more than pleasantly surprised by how good everything sounded – It was one of those can’t-stop-smiling-to-myself moments. This left me a great mood all evening. When I got home from Plus group I thought I would have another listen just to double check – this time was okay, but not as rivetingly good as the first time. Oh well, I thought, maybe my ears are just sleepy now.
The next morning I asked Tom if he would like to hear some of the recording over breakfast – he said yes, and I played it through the iPad speakers. Oh dear. I mean, seriously, things that had sounded in tune the night before were suddenly way off pitch. Just me – the rest of the band sounded really good. Glen has a crazy good voice and also totally carried the weight in terms of worship leading. But suddenly my vocals sounded like they had accidentally fallen all the way down my throat and just couldn’t get back up.
Tom was very very gracious and remained encouraging about how things went on the actualy morning, and said that I shouldn’t expect great sound off an iPad, or a great mix out of the house… but seriously – oh my goodness! I couldn’t believe how different it sounded.
Tom left for work and Ellen took Layla to the playroom, so I was home alone feeling very down. What had happened? Had I deluded myself that successfully the night before? I was seriously considering delving into a pit of despair, but then realised that I didn’t have the patience or emotional resource for it. I spent all of that last semester after receiving some critique at uni.
So, my choices were:
- quit trying and jump out the window
- quit trying and move on to other things
- tell myself it was okay when I really don’t think it was
- ‘man up’ to it all and try harder for next time
Okay, option 4 it will be. I wasn’t expecting everything to go perfectly, and in honesty, the morning went better than I had expected, I must admit that the idea of having a perfect live recording on top of it suddenly really appealed and I got a bit unbalanced.
Anyway, that’s that for now. I don’t know when the next chance will be because baby boy could make an appearance any day now. Meanwhile I will practice at home and spend lots of time in the bible.