Tired but Happy (2011 Jan 21)

It’s been a busy day but all good and I will spare you the details because I feel a medium-long post coming on.


First the technical stuff:  I’ve done two rounds of my finger flexing exercise.  The whole of my left arm hurts and I am believing this to be a good thing.  The MP3s for today consist of Blues Rhythm & a Pentatonic Pattern from the teach yourself book.  I haven’t done anything for notation today other than purchase a manuscript paper notebook from the plaza.


I had a coffee (and by coffee I mean Appletiser) with two of my lovely girlfriends this afternoon.  One of these lovely ladies is also a BV singer, and wife of a worship leader.  She took a moment to encourage me on my efforts regarding Project Sweet Sound.  This led me to realise that other than stating the general premise for this project, I haven’t really shared much of the heart behind it yet.


Fundamentally the heart of the issue really is a desire to worship God, and more specifically, to improve on my own personal ability to worship God musically, in confidence and eventually (I hope) with excellence.  I am doing it here because I need something tangible to work with, and a place to (again hopefully) record my progress.


I believe I have had the desire to worship God through music for as long as I have been a Christian (about 16 yrs now).  Music has always been a huge part of my life, and since understanding the concept of worship, it has become something somewhat bitter-sweet.


It is totally sweet because of the almost unexplainable element that music can add to one’s God-journey, and sometimes bitter because of the inadequacy, insecurity and seemingly hopeless desire for more that I experienced along the way.  I remember after being at my first Christian camp, hearing the band play and thinking if only one day I could aspire to being a backup vocalist in a church band… if only if only, then I would have found my place.  That took about a year to happen, and in all honesty, it took another year after that for me to actually stop just mouthing the words, and sing out loud.  I’m not entirely sure how I got onto the team in the first place…maybe the young worship leader who recommended me had ulterior motives….


So I have been singing BVs all along, about 15 years now… and somewhere along the way I thought it would be cool to be able to worship at home with a guitar.  That soon evolved into a desire to be able to lead a small group… and finally, not so long ago I had to just admit that although BVing is fantastic, I had set my sights on another progression.


You have to understand that I am married to a worship leader who is gifted to the Nth degree.  I attend a church that is brimming with talent enough to send any less-naturally-talented hopeful running for cover.  None of it is done in a spirit of competition, but if you consider the fragile human condition, it is easy to see how difficult it can be sometimes to allow the tiniest seed of a dream the space and time to germinate.


I appear to be waffling along here, and now that I think about it I don’t actually know what I am getting at exactly.  I think all this is to simply say that getting even to this point has not been a rash decision.  I have tried numerous times to deny the desire to worship through music, but that has never worked.  I have also tried to settle for leaving things as they were for the sake of saving potential embarrassment and avoid rocking any boats, but that also has been peaceless.  So, here I am, just trying something else.


If this resonates with anyone else, I would encourage you to give moving forward a go.  So far it has been incredibly rewarding.

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